I’m once more on this blasted merry-go-round called Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda, Oughta.
Yes, I know it’s not productive.
Yes, I know it’s self-defeating.
It still happens to all of us. At least I recognize it for what it is. I’m muddling through this weird, weird year. SO much has gone on an is going on. We’ve had folks staying at our house for more than weekends – which is awesome that 1) we have the place for them to stay, 2) they can come to us. BUT… it isn’t as conducive to writing as one might like when one is both a borderline introvert and a hard-wired hostess – which I am. There’s a drive that says, “I must take care of these people whether they need/want me to or not…”
We’ve lost a couple of friends and extended family this year – which always takes bite out of things. Which is the circle of life. The travel that’s been done and still FOUR more events ahead is both exhilarating and exhausting. Random personal things on both sides of the “Are you kidding me?” spectrum – like the Farmer’s Insurance commercials. Then there’s the political/current event morass that we are currently stuck in. Yay…
All these things make you take a look at sporadic word counts or the closed notebook and say, “But I SHOULD BE… Oh, I OUGHT TO BE…” and feel that death spiral of “I suck”.
Guess what? That’s a stupid Brain Weasel that needs to be chased out by whatever chases away weasels. I don’t want to say “exterminate” – because, well, I’m a critter person even if they’re imaginary brain critters. (Hey, I love me some plot bunnies). So let’s alchemy the crap out of them and turn Brain Weasels into Plot Bunnies! Magic! Either that or find a way to break the merry-go-round. Okay I need to stop here I’m getting dizzy.
So if you’re on this merry-go-round also? Know you’re not alone – I’m on the Green Dragon just up the way. We can Pop The Weasel together. (HEY! I figured out my metaphoric pun! That was too much effort.)