I started this new chapter of my life with Grand Plans. GRAND PLANS! I say.

Guess what? Those were quickly derailed. And I, despite having an amazing therapist, haven’t gone with that flow as well as I should have. So what went sideways? ALL. OF. IT. But is it as bad as my Catastrophizing Brain (TM) has made it? Not really.

So here we go.

My Expectations vs. What Actually Happened

Writing

Expectation: I thought I would jump right back into a word count saddle, get stuff submitted (and I guess SOLD???) by now.

Reality: There are days when I still don’t write. Is it still hard? Yep. Is it getting easier? Yep. I haven’t focused on ONE project to work on. BUT… BUT… I have EIGHT stories out for submission. That doesn’t suck. Slowly getting some rejections back and getting the those back out. Are they older stories that I rewrote? Sure, some. Still counts. Have a I started some new stories? Sure have. Are they finished? Nope, but still counts.

Job Search

Expectation: Strategic exploring job listings. Only apply for the Right Jobs. Be awesome.

Reality: The Job Market sucks more than Publishing Markets. LinkedIN is depressing. So I’ve adjusted resumes. I’m having a friend look at it again, because editing is our life, right? And I’m being a little snarky on some posts there. But it’s hard and depressing and fighting a lot of mental demons on that front.

So, what’s the dealio Debbie Downer?

I’m coming to grips with “perception” vs. “reality”. I have the time and space to build something awesome here – do I know what that is? ABSOLUTELY NOT. What I’m trying to work on is not letting the Brain Weasels win. More is good. Something is better than nothing.

But Debbie Downer, why are you talking about this now? Because the world is a mess. And it’s not Dr. Horrible who’s trying to rule it. And everyone for years is all about Positivity at All Costs, and we need to normalize “It’s Okay Not To Be Okay”. Mental health struggles are real. Life struggles are real. And it’s perfectly normal to struggle with writing, with life, with basic caring when it seems like there’s NO POINT.

If you’re struggling? I see you. Your feelings are totally valid. And you’re not the only one fighting “Shoulding” all over yourself. We’re all doing what we can however we can.

Wanna talk about it? I’m at SoonerCon this weekend. Come find me! I’ll have pens and notebooks! Think your writing is crap? I have a notebook for that! Writing is solitary. The Writing Community is not. We got you!